Holy Crap!

So I was "late".

Well, what I thought was my monthly was just not right. In fact, I thought either I'm knocked up or I was menopausal! (I'm 37.5 years old, but early menopause was never out of my mind.)

The main thing that was a flashing beacon, so to speak, was the fact that my boobs were still HUGE. And tender. Normally they would have shrunk back down to little handfuls by now.

Before I go on, a little background info:

Hubby and I were "trying" to conceive for a few years now. We even went to a fertility clinic, saw a specialist, provided samples, had a procedure to unblock a fallopian tube, ingested Menavit and Elevit. All to no avail. IVF was not an option for us ~ injections and such intrusive intervention was not something we were interested in. Basically we decided, if it's not meant to be, then it's just not meant to be. Who are we to force the issue? Life has naturally selected us out of the reproductive race. C'est la vie.

So we stopped "actively trying", but we weren't not trying either (ie. no contraception). There was no mission or purpose any more, we were just going with the flow.

Hubby was to start a drug trial in January 2010 (for a completely different matter) which required that we use contraception (the researchers didn't want any 3 eyed children popping up in the results, which is fair enough). So we joked that December/January was going to be the last roll of the dice: if one was going to get through, this was its last chance!

Well, Hubby ended up not being eligible for the trial, which miffed him no end, but we processed that fact for the week. We had come to terms with the fact that we would be childless, we rationalised that we love sleeping in, strolling down to the cafe with our dog at a whim, could travel the world when the wunderlust beckoned; and to have him not go on the trial was a blow.

Ok, so back to my original train of thought...

My boobs were HUGE. My period was non existent-ish. I was now technically 12 days late. Time to wee on a stick.

I have had a love/hate relationship with those home tests, mainly because they never gave me that illusive 2nd line, and disappointment, mixed in with some relief, that I wasn't pregnant. Something a friend told me once always resonates in my mind (they have 3 kids) "you're never ready for kids, even when you think you're ready for kids". I don't think we're absolutely ready!

Anyway, so I wee on a stick. I haven't done that for over 18 months, so I was a bit rusty with the results. The first line appeared in the first window, and I thought "ok, this one is not a reject test". Then the 2nd window started to fill with liquid and I fully expected a blank. But there was a line! Shit! I compose myself and take another look at the instructions: if a line appears in the first window, you are pregnant. Holy shit!

I take the stick and the instructions (with diagrams) and place them in front of Hubby.

He's like "What...? What am I looking for?"

Then it hits him. Shit! Shit!

We are stunned. In disbelief. Gobsmacked. Speechless.

We hug.

Shit!