Paranoia

Wow, I am questioning everything I eat and put on my skin!

Like, mmm that Red Rooster Barra burger looks excellent, except it has tartare sauce.

My beautiful Aesop products all have essential oils that I should be avoiding. Grrrr.

What a bummer!

No fun

No soft serve?! No deli meats?? No sushi?? No prawns?! Soft cheeses are out... Lysteria is evil. No salads even! My favourite cafe has the best salads ever and I am not allowed to partake for the next 34 weeks! Eeek!

Maaaann, and no tetanus shot, which means no volunteering at the animal shelter - dammit. And I was planning on a tattoo (in the works for 12 months) but that is out of the question too.

But now I know why pregnant women always hold their bellies. I could never work out why someone who is in the early stages would need to hold their tummy. But its cos your uterus is prepping itself and it feels plain weird down there! Feels like light period cramps, which saw me cradling my tummy when I was premenstrual anyway.

Ahhh the things you learn. I told myself, when we gave up on conceiving, that I was ok with not knowing what it felt like to have a baby kicking inside me. Now I guess I'll have that chance after all.

I'm thinking that after next week's appointment with the doc, depending on the test results, I will tell the immediate family only. I will have been almost 8 weeks by then. Besides, we would probably tell them even if we lost the baby, so why not share the happy news?

Oh and so far, no morning sickness. Woohoo! (Punches the air). Fingers crossed for me to miss that experience!

D Day

Its funny. I needed to see my doctor anyway for 2 unrelated issues: I had a blocked ear that was bugging me and needed some help clearing; and I needed a tetanus booster for my volunteer work at an animal shelter (that I was hoping to do this year, after reassessing my life goals!).

So I tell her about these two things first before presenting her with the pregnancy test.

She was surprised and happy for us, of course. So she orders some blood tests etc and then asked if we had decided where we were going to have this baby.

What?!

We're still processing the fact that we're even pregnant and haven't even thought about hospitals and obstetricians etc. I mean, I have heard that we should be putting the child down for schools already, but let's just get the blood confirmation first!

Public or private? Am I even covered for private?? What's conveniently close but good by reputation??? Decisions, decisions.

Let's wait to see what the bloods say.

I am still expecting a miscarriage any day now, seriously. I never thought my body, my uterus was up to this!

We see the doc again next Thursday to discuss the results.

Keeping Mum

Hubby had difficulty not telling anyone the news. I am adamant that we have to wait til the magic 12 week mark before we tell people willy nilly.

One of his employees just recently announced that they were expecting a baby in July, so with that still pretty fresh, Hubby wanted to share our news too.

I want to at least wait til we see the doc. Have that blood test, then we'll see.

Next Step: the doc

Rang to make an appointment to see our doc. She has been on holiday leave, and only works 3 days a week. We can't see her until Thursday morning. Three days away.

6 weeks

Apparently its the size of a blueberry at this stage.

Holy Crap!

So I was "late".

Well, what I thought was my monthly was just not right. In fact, I thought either I'm knocked up or I was menopausal! (I'm 37.5 years old, but early menopause was never out of my mind.)

The main thing that was a flashing beacon, so to speak, was the fact that my boobs were still HUGE. And tender. Normally they would have shrunk back down to little handfuls by now.

Before I go on, a little background info:

Hubby and I were "trying" to conceive for a few years now. We even went to a fertility clinic, saw a specialist, provided samples, had a procedure to unblock a fallopian tube, ingested Menavit and Elevit. All to no avail. IVF was not an option for us ~ injections and such intrusive intervention was not something we were interested in. Basically we decided, if it's not meant to be, then it's just not meant to be. Who are we to force the issue? Life has naturally selected us out of the reproductive race. C'est la vie.

So we stopped "actively trying", but we weren't not trying either (ie. no contraception). There was no mission or purpose any more, we were just going with the flow.

Hubby was to start a drug trial in January 2010 (for a completely different matter) which required that we use contraception (the researchers didn't want any 3 eyed children popping up in the results, which is fair enough). So we joked that December/January was going to be the last roll of the dice: if one was going to get through, this was its last chance!

Well, Hubby ended up not being eligible for the trial, which miffed him no end, but we processed that fact for the week. We had come to terms with the fact that we would be childless, we rationalised that we love sleeping in, strolling down to the cafe with our dog at a whim, could travel the world when the wunderlust beckoned; and to have him not go on the trial was a blow.

Ok, so back to my original train of thought...

My boobs were HUGE. My period was non existent-ish. I was now technically 12 days late. Time to wee on a stick.

I have had a love/hate relationship with those home tests, mainly because they never gave me that illusive 2nd line, and disappointment, mixed in with some relief, that I wasn't pregnant. Something a friend told me once always resonates in my mind (they have 3 kids) "you're never ready for kids, even when you think you're ready for kids". I don't think we're absolutely ready!

Anyway, so I wee on a stick. I haven't done that for over 18 months, so I was a bit rusty with the results. The first line appeared in the first window, and I thought "ok, this one is not a reject test". Then the 2nd window started to fill with liquid and I fully expected a blank. But there was a line! Shit! I compose myself and take another look at the instructions: if a line appears in the first window, you are pregnant. Holy shit!

I take the stick and the instructions (with diagrams) and place them in front of Hubby.

He's like "What...? What am I looking for?"

Then it hits him. Shit! Shit!

We are stunned. In disbelief. Gobsmacked. Speechless.

We hug.

Shit!